N,
“Consider it All a Test of Faith…”
I have been letting your mild
inconveniences erode me. I have let the toxicity eat slowly away at my empathy,
sensitivity, ability to forgive, my joy. I have let an unholy anger make its
home in my heart. My smiles and good gestures have been shallow. My love has
been false. I am sorry.
It has done me no good to
think of you as this distant entity separate from me and undeserving of my
love. It has done me no good to hold a grudge over every little gripe we might
have had in the past. I have acted high and mighty, like I was not subject to
my own flaws, like I have not caused you any offence in my life. I am sorry.

I have clenched my teeth
through all our encounters. I have placed the blame on you for things as fickle
as how I think you make me feel when I am around you. You have no control over
that. I funnel all my anger towards you because it needs a place to go. But you
are not to blame. I have held you accountable for faults of which you have no
knowledge. It is important for me to remember that you do not know any of these
things that occur solely in my own head, that you are not to blame, you couldn’t
be. I am sorry.