Aweikinin
15/05/2015
H,
It is
funny how days come with a particular brand of exhaustion. I have spent my week
in between books, reports, laws and I can honestly say that writing anything
now feels like quite the uphill task. I still have this operational manual to
deal with and then one of those meetings you know I dread so well. The premier league
season is almost over and, as you used to so subtly put it, “our lives have
come to an end”. I have all these things in my mind and heart but that is the
good stuff, work I want to do and ideas I want to support.
funny how days come with a particular brand of exhaustion. I have spent my week
in between books, reports, laws and I can honestly say that writing anything
now feels like quite the uphill task. I still have this operational manual to
deal with and then one of those meetings you know I dread so well. The premier league
season is almost over and, as you used to so subtly put it, “our lives have
come to an end”. I have all these things in my mind and heart but that is the
good stuff, work I want to do and ideas I want to support.
If I
am truly tired it is just my ego hacking away again. It is the thing that tells
me that I am not quite up to spec or down to task. It is that overly
sentimental inner judge that causes inertia but you keep around because we
often mistake being impatient and unkind with being real and loving. And of course
as soon as I am done hacking at myself I will turn my attentions to what others
do and how they do it. I will convince myself that since I am brutal with
myself then I can be brutal with others. If I do not have the courage to be overtly
critical I will do it covertly, in my mind and to anyone but the brunt of my
judgement. It is clear that no one changes by the hammer. They just grow more determined
to avoid the hammer and the wielder. Only pride breaks by the hammer. Only God
can lift it. Please no puns about Norse gods.
am truly tired it is just my ego hacking away again. It is the thing that tells
me that I am not quite up to spec or down to task. It is that overly
sentimental inner judge that causes inertia but you keep around because we
often mistake being impatient and unkind with being real and loving. And of course
as soon as I am done hacking at myself I will turn my attentions to what others
do and how they do it. I will convince myself that since I am brutal with
myself then I can be brutal with others. If I do not have the courage to be overtly
critical I will do it covertly, in my mind and to anyone but the brunt of my
judgement. It is clear that no one changes by the hammer. They just grow more determined
to avoid the hammer and the wielder. Only pride breaks by the hammer. Only God
can lift it. Please no puns about Norse gods.
Well,
that is my Friday rant. I expect I will hear from you soon. I have this thing
called today to live in and it is all I have. Perhaps, it is time to kneel and
pray. As the poet says, to think about forever.
that is my Friday rant. I expect I will hear from you soon. I have this thing
called today to live in and it is all I have. Perhaps, it is time to kneel and
pray. As the poet says, to think about forever.