H,
You have to constantly
remind yourself that your feelings are mostly the product of a fallen mind. If you
buy the Judaeo-Christian narrative you know all about the fall of man and woman.
This leads us to the very tension still in the human heart today. Are we still
not hiding from God in some sense? Are we still not chasing knowledge as a tool
to give up on the idea of a principal being over all the universe to whom we
must report to? Are we not all seeking freedom above any sort of cosmic
responsibility?
But I digress. My point is
that we have all these feelings because our souls are crooked. We feel inferior
because we compare, we feel unloved because we want affirmation and we feel
lost because we can no longer see the narrow way. I do not think the dearth of
spiritual women and men in the world is unique to one side of things. I think
people in and out of our faith and other faiths suffer the same vital lack of
release from the burden of being human.
I think it may be this way
for a while yet. The legacy of billions of years will not be undone by a single
altar call. It will not be usurped by a few revelations and a little position
on the pulpit that is for easy talk before real life. This is a lifelong
process through dark halls you no longer want to visit. It is the flaying of
the soul but only so the other-being that is really you may emerge.
I guess I should end this
with a serious caveat. It is not self-flagellation. We are not to punish
ourselves or enslave ourselves. We are to submit to the disciplines of God. The
first and most serious of these disciplines is to get to know your maker. This is
possible because He, She, They have been screaming to you about this your whole
life.
It is time to answer. It is
time to be alone with God.