Psalm 56:9

H,

 

It has been a while. I know I go off on these silent trips but be assured that is not my intention to go insular. I go off on tangents and let the bad wind in. It is not that I do not know that the height and depth of this thing we are involved in is love and grace and overwhelming mercy. It is that I have the megalomaniac idea that there is a way to solve it inside me and not outside my limited efforts. I forget to believe that beyond the small mindedness of my present funk there is an outer universe of meaning.

 

We all sort of get to that unhealthy place of isolation where we think we have the better problems of the world and come up with the only solutions dressed up in our lone ranger costumes. This is even worse for us because we believe in that singular being who formed and forms the universe in His mighty hand. We are not so reverent when we approach him in the midst of a broken heart and broken dreams. We feel more let down by Him than by ourselves. We feel we were called out to fail and there is this dice game in the heavens where we are the pawns. If you believe, you can truly go back to nothing else. If you have ever had the personal experience of giving over your life to the eternity, you may walk away from the rites and rituals but the idea will stay with you, your heart will want that light forever and you will never be free of the questions of God in your head.

 

That is all fine meat but it leads me to why I started writing to you. In the Psalm above I came upon the very powerful idea that it is possible, maybe just, that God is on your side. I do not mean this in the indulgent way of limited love where anything goes and a fool is loved for his foolishness. I mean it in the much larger sense that our faith compels us to see God as a force of good and not only the corporate good but the individual good. It is still early days but I am munching on this idea all week. I know it seems like it has been told before but it has not really sunk into me as a personal and deep manifestation of the all sufficient love of God.

In any case, it has me writing to you again. That is a good start.