H,
The hardest thing is to go back to the people we used to be. Those people
do not exist and probably never did. They are fictional characters we have made
up to hide the past and all its non-incandescence. In the seemingly darker
moments of the present we make up the radiating brightness of some past glory
we never really touched.
This is not to say the past has no value or was all bad. It is not even
to say that the past is always worse off than the present and we are always
making progress. The only thing I mean is that it did not happen the way we
imagined it. Our fractured minds are the ultimate unreliable narrator.
And, also, our faith tells us there is nothing there for us. It is a
forward motion sort of belief system. There is no pain or pleasure back there
that cannot be unlocked or resolved by the glory ahead of us. The home we have
never seen or felt is much more like us than we will ever be. We will know in
that eternity to come, the length and breadth of who we truly are. This home
keeps calling to us. It is about time we started picking up.