H,
We were always made for things beyond here. The lie is that we can have an eternal effect on a temporal set of circumstances. No. Sparks of light are not the sun. A candle is not a raging fire. An idea of heaven is not heaven at all. We were not made to be comfortable on earth. We are not to find our peace in this troubled times. There is something to be said for rage, for frustration and for the deep dissatisfaction of the soul.
We have spent too much time trying to fit in. It is okay to be as you are. If we accept this, take it for granted that we are both made for more and born this way, then we might put aside the endless drink and whoring and ambition and other consolations that cannot answer the question of being. Nothing purely of earth can speak to the eternity hidden in every human heart.
This is the thing we must give up; the idea that we can make this all matter somehow. That we can work hard enough and deep enough and steadily enough to make a dent in the whole fabric of time and space and meaning. That is never going to happen. This is not real life. When we break from the wool that has been put on our eyes, we may get at something truly vital: the art of giving up. We do not give up into despair or inertia. We give up the game, the pretense and that ego that tells us we are at the centre of all experience. We wake up to something more. Love unbound by time. God. What will we live for now? In Him. Move. Live. Have our full being.
This will not make us care less but more. It will not drop us to the floor but to our knees in prayer and on our feet in faith. There is no fear of falling or failing because these are temporal concepts. We live in and for eternal value now. Any “impact” we seek is beyond here.