H,
I am coming to terms now with what a monster I have been. This is not an altogether bad thing and I use the word ‘monster’ as an embodiment of my wrongdoing, my sins. It is not so easy when I am on one of my many high horses to admit how I misread this fact or was in fact heavily involved in that misdeed. We often see our own story as the tale of the protagonist but we are many times actually the antagonist-to ourselves and to others. The recent theories about the anti-hero and the relative nature of evil only further buttress the way our minds are formed in the modern age-we may do horrible things but it is all in context.
The shying away from guilt comes from a good place, mostly. Guilt can be a destructive force and when we revel in it, it only leads to inertia. We cannot grow in guilt and we do not learn from guilt. It is the wisdom of God to end all guilt and shame and the root of sin on a cross. It is our submission to that wisdom that creates the real freedom to move from monster back to man or woman and then to something else altogether-friendship with ultimate Deity.