You,
“All
in because your heart is broken.”
in because your heart is broken.”
There is a secret you do not
even tell yourself. It is the most intimate one you have. It is not something
you did or some past misdeed you are hoping is never revealed. It is not even something
you are aware of. You will know it when you finally tell yourself but not a
minute before. I do not even know what it is. I only know of it. I have one
too.
even tell yourself. It is the most intimate one you have. It is not something
you did or some past misdeed you are hoping is never revealed. It is not even something
you are aware of. You will know it when you finally tell yourself but not a
minute before. I do not even know what it is. I only know of it. I have one
too.
It connects all of us
because we have all some version of this secret. It is very specific but it
weighs the same. I am not trying to be vague or mysterious. It is hard to
explain. The best I can do is say: your heart is broken.
because we have all some version of this secret. It is very specific but it
weighs the same. I am not trying to be vague or mysterious. It is hard to
explain. The best I can do is say: your heart is broken.
I do not mean this in any
romantic way. That exists but this is not what I mean here. I am talking of
something fundamental. It is the sense you get that there is something wrong
with you. It is that self-hate, self-loathing and fear that crystallizes in
acts you never thought you would be involved in. It is the icy calm of when you
do not care anymore. It is many things, some delicious and some ugly but all
with a seething darkness and detached sort of approach to life and living.
romantic way. That exists but this is not what I mean here. I am talking of
something fundamental. It is the sense you get that there is something wrong
with you. It is that self-hate, self-loathing and fear that crystallizes in
acts you never thought you would be involved in. It is the icy calm of when you
do not care anymore. It is many things, some delicious and some ugly but all
with a seething darkness and detached sort of approach to life and living.
We are always battling
against our own nihilism. We are always trying to fight against the dark. We invent
purpose out of that struggle. We make up goals and plans and make an Everest out
of every little thing to connect ourselves to the meaningful. We make love out
of other hearts and crown others the saints of our own souls. We find
connections and levity and balance and light. We find religion and hope and
faith and a belief in the innate goodness of all that is human trampled on by
everything else. We make the world bigger around us so the voice of our broken
heart can be smaller.
against our own nihilism. We are always trying to fight against the dark. We invent
purpose out of that struggle. We make up goals and plans and make an Everest out
of every little thing to connect ourselves to the meaningful. We make love out
of other hearts and crown others the saints of our own souls. We find
connections and levity and balance and light. We find religion and hope and
faith and a belief in the innate goodness of all that is human trampled on by
everything else. We make the world bigger around us so the voice of our broken
heart can be smaller.
I know I am taking the
general swing at things to see what sticks. Every heart is different. No one
processes it the same way. Yet, late at night or early in the morning or
whenever we let contemplation in for a bit, in absolute honesty, we find that
vast space of unexplained longing for everything out of reach. We find the
voice of our own broken heart and the particular way the pieces are fallen over
in us.
general swing at things to see what sticks. Every heart is different. No one
processes it the same way. Yet, late at night or early in the morning or
whenever we let contemplation in for a bit, in absolute honesty, we find that
vast space of unexplained longing for everything out of reach. We find the
voice of our own broken heart and the particular way the pieces are fallen over
in us.
I want to say that God is
the answer (because I have found this to be true) but that does not quite cover
it. Faith is not a feel good drug and you will feel this way most of your life.
Perhaps, all your life.
the answer (because I have found this to be true) but that does not quite cover
it. Faith is not a feel good drug and you will feel this way most of your life.
Perhaps, all your life.
What I can truly say is that
a lifetime in God is the answer. What I can assure you of is that you are in
repair.
a lifetime in God is the answer. What I can assure you of is that you are in
repair.
You, beautiful soul.