“High Prices And Attempted Reforms”

The door is flung open, but it is not that sort of door, and the effect is lost by the mechanics of its secured hook. He stands there for a second and looks at the staff not sure what to do with himself. He is raging but it is all useless now. The deed is done, and he has been outplayed by children at his own game. He steadies himself and walks out with the dignity and care he was known for. He walks past all the quiet and downturned eyes into the sun and his own personal twilight.

Inside, the President is also shaking with rage.

-what was that?

-a retirement

-he did not honestly think he would be minister again

-he may have thought the petroleum portfolio had his name on it

-why?

-because we may have told him it did

-oh yes

The President laughs but not for long.

-these numbers are very bad

-it depends, Chuks says, very quietly.

-on?

-if you count it as the policies of the term you finished for someone else or if it is an opportunity for us to do better with your first real mandate to rule?

-who is going to buy that shit?

-I am sure that your communications director is up to it

Later, much later in the day, Chuks is at his desk when Richard walks in, slouched and worn.

-Mr. President

-sit, sit. Off the clock talk.

-sure. what’s up?

-just been taking phone calls from all the people we did not marry

-ah. How is that going?

-half want a recount. The other half suggested places they could serve instead: Agencies, Ambassadorial postings, and such. About 90% gave subtle threats for four years from now. I think we have ten percent of the party still.

-well, we do have four years

-that’s what Joshua keeps saying. He was on most of the calls.

-yeah. I took like fifty here.

-that was rough. I took only 25.

-fifty today. There is a long list. We need to feed some of these people.

-did you know the price for a bag of rice is up again?

-yes, I read the report

-across board. Import, local, basmati, parboiled.

-poor rich people

-yes, but also, poor people. Smuggling goes down, prices go up. Punishing our people by doing our jobs

-it will balance out once we get the mills up and going

-yes. Sure. but people may be starving today.

There is a pause, something in the air, they want to say but do not.

-I am going to dinner, Richard finally says.

-I will come with you. What shall we be having?

-I told them not rice.

 

Dramatis Personae

Richard Edewor Williams-President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria

Former Minister of Petroleum, Emeritus

Chukwuma Nwachukwu-Chief of Staff to the President

Joshua T. Bukar-Chairman, the Democratic Party of Nigeria (TDPN)

Anthony Nwabunor-Chief Correspondent, Daily Chronicle

Kolapo Adegboyega-Correspondent, News Today

 

Daily Chronicler

Anthony Nwabunor

He walks into the bar with his tie flung over his right shoulder, but it is off by the time he sits down. It is a smoke-filled place, and the beer is cold, but the banter has also taken a turn for the hopeful. Unjustifiably, so.

He is on his third beer before he can actually say it out loud:

-it is only a list. He has done nothing new or different. He has been president for about a year or so. He has done nothing different.

Kolapo, the helpful idiot from the News Today, is the only one to reply:

-but look at the reforms he already has going. The clusters and the ministries, more women than ever before and how fast it was sent to the Senate with portfolios attached to names.

-he has a flair for the dramatic

-okay then

-what?

-you obviously hate the President

-no but he was a horrible governor. I was in Delta when he built roads and raised IGR.

-and that makes him bad?

-well, he did not fight poverty. He did not reform the local government system and he did not do any of those fine things in his present manifesto. He has done nothing, been nothing and is not as special as everyone seems to think. He was in a class with a professor and asked good questions. That professor went on to form a party and he was just gliding on those wings. And now out of sentimental value, we think the prince is the king, but he is not. He is some kind of impostor.

-hate

-oh, fuck off K, go and write some more puff pieces about how great this is all going to go

-hehehe. Sure.

-you know what I meant. I am drunk.

-sit down brother. I am buying the next round.

-now, that is reform I can believe in.

The smoke rises higher from their table and the conversation moves on to sport and women and men and children and small animals and other adventures.

At the end of the day, or the beginning of next, he stumbles to his car. He changes his mind about driving when he cannot find the button on his key chain that opens the Corolla.

The taxi ride is long and winding but when he opens his door he cannot remember if he underpaid or overpaid.

He falls into bed thinking of rice but not remembering why.

 

The Ministerial List

From: Office of the President

To: Office of the President of the Senate

 

Cluster A-Economic Development and Innovation

1. Supervising Minister-Ngozi Nzeribe-Abia State
2. Communication and Technology-Sunday Adedeji-Lagos State
3. Labour and Employment-Musa Maina-Adamawa State
4. National Planning-Peterside Williams-Rivers State
5. Investment (Local)-Jonah Dimka-Plateau State

 

Cluster B-Finance, Revenue Generation and Diversification

6. Supervising Minister-Maryam Mailabari-Gombe State
7. Finance-Adebayo Alonge-Oyo State
8. Petroleum-Florence Abah-Delta State
9. Agriculture-Hamzat Mustapha-Kebbi State
10. Mines & Solid Minerals-Phillip Effiong-Akwa Ibom State

 

Cluster C-Social Welfare

11. Supervising Minister-Morayo Adebayo-Ekiti State
12. Social Development-Eme Isong-Cross River State
13. Disaster Relief-John Maku-Nasarawa State
14. Investment (Social)-Mohammed Braimoh-Kwara State
15. Poverty Eradication-David Abott-Bayelsa State
16. Youth Affairs-Sunday Derenle-Osun State

 

Cluster D-Culture and Community

17. Supervising Minister-Charles Enoiboifor-Edo State
18. Information-Ahmed A. Ahmed-Kano State
19. Niger Delta Affairs-Polycarp Bridges-Rivers State
20. Women Affairs-Terfa Ashwe-Benue State

 

Cluster E-Government Services

21. Supervising Minister-Mohammed Danjuma-Niger State
22. Defence-Ishaku Buhari-Katsina State
23. FCT-Ishaya Adada-Federal Capital Territory
24. Health-Nnedinma Okafor-Anambra State
25. Education-Mohammed Abubakar-Jigawa State

 

Cluster F-Foreign Affairs

26. Supervising Minister-Ade Soetan-Ogun State
27. Foreign Affairs-Linda Eze-Enugu State
28. Immigration & Border Control-Ibrahim Tsafe-Zamfara State
29. Trade (Foreign)-Ebube Arinze-Imo State

 

Cluster G-Justice Sector Reform

30. Supervising Minister/Justice-Thomas Afolayan-Ondo State
31. Interior-Bala L. Usman-Yobe State
32. Police Affairs-David Z. Suntai-Taraba State

 

Cluster H-Infrastructure

33. Supervising Minister/Transport-Benita Nwafor-Ebonyi State
34. Works-Bala Tafawa Balewa-Bauchi State
35. Housing-Hauwa Shettima-Borno State
36. Aviation-Anibe Agamah-Kogi State
37. Power-Ishaya Audu-Kaduna State