“Communications Deficit”
When he wakes up, he still has the headache from the night before. He remembers a stupid thing Chuks used to say when they started in politics:
-Nigeria should give you headaches
He knows he has not overslept but he can see Hadiza is already done with her prayers. He can see the mat is folded up on the side and she is applying make up to the side of her face, away from him. He washes his face before he goes to sit next to her.
-your son called, she says to him, and he resents her a little for going straight to some business and not the kind that soothes.
-sure, he replies
-when last did you call your son?
-when last did he call me?
-really?
-we have a bit of a communications deficit
-he is twenty and you are forty-five, guess who should break that?
-he is still angry I asked him to enrol in Unilag for politics
-well, he is happy where he is now
-could have cost me the election, ya know
He is nibbling on her exposed shoulder while he says this, so she brushes him away, some powder lands in his mouth but he does not say anything. The taste is awful, though.
-I will call him.
-Halima is also ready to see you now.
-we have another child?
This time, he sees the hand coming and can stop it in time.
Later, he is looking at his director of communications with an angry eye and blaming him for all public and private deficits in his life.
-the story today should be the screening
-it is but it is also your daughter’s school
-it is a public school
-well, let’s just say some refurbishing was done and she has DSS officers following her to every class and a tank outside the school. I am sure the parents are pleased. It is everyone else who sees it as heavy-handed in these times.
-well, I hear there is no federal precedent for a 12-year-old child of the head of government going to a public school. I doubt it but that is the excuse they gave me for all that drama.
-well, I thought I should highlight that
-highlight something else
-okay. On the screenings, the editorials are mixed. Most major papers think it is impossible to have a cabinet in place by Wednesday and others think it will be irresponsible.
-we screened everyone for months.
-well, the public is amused by your speed. There are a few negative comparisons to a cartoon character and your, erm, sexual performance.
-sure
-well, we will know in a few days
-anything else?
-those are the highlights sir
-okay
Richard is rubbing his head and wishing things away.
-sir?
-yup
-I know I have said this before, but I would like to go on record again and say I am truly sorry for the mix up about the First Lady’s religion. I should have known better.
-Tope?
-Your Excellency
-get out of my office
At Noon, Chuks finally sees him, and he is in the heat of intense listening over the phone.
-that is simply foolish. I want better answers, or you will be retiring.
Richard puts the phone down gently but with some drama.
-who was that?
-Chief of Army Staff
-I dare you
-hehehe
-please tell me…
-relax, it’s that pesky head of service. Still asking for numbers. We need to cut those numbers and go to pensions before our next budget kicks in
-sure
-what the fuck do you want?
-I was watching the screening
-how is that going?
Chuks puts on the large television. It lands serenely in the centre of the room. They both look up. There is a man behind a podium answering a question. The volume is still low.
-they are already on number seven
-not bad
-Bayo
-sure
-you used to like him
-he was good for our thing in Oyo
-I want to hear what he is saying
The Volume goes up.
Bayo in the television now speaks:
-there is hardly any country that does not function on a deficit. Limited resources are chasing unlimited priority areas. Our job will be to reduce it. We must remember, distinguished senators, that the world is recovering from a financial crisis. We are going to have to spend but watch what we spend.
The volume goes back down.
Chuks says:
-He sounds…efficient
-Hmmmm
Dramatis Personae
Richard Edewor Williams-President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria
Chukwuma Nwachukwu-Chief of Staff to the President
Adetope Adesuwa-Director of Communications
A pesky Head of the Federal Civil Service
Kate H.-Senator of the Federal Republic of Nigeria
Article in Daily Chronicle
Speedy Screenings Threaten Competence As Ministers Appear Before Senate.
Excerpt
By Anthony Nwabunor
“…the speed of the screenings has also caught the ire of the opposition party…hampered in the upper house by a minority that cannot stop the decision of the majority to rush these screenings…have resorted to boycotting proceeding which ironically will make these proceedings even quicker…”
Transcript of Screening
Ministerial Nominees
The Nigerian Senate
Monday 6th of June
SP: Order! Order!
Senator Kate H.: Madame President, and it always feels good to say that in this hallowed chamber, we can see that the opposition party is going to keep being dramatic about a simple national assignment and we need to move on from this. Nevertheless, we will do our best. I would like to second the motion that our dear sister, Ngozi Nzeribe, more than able to supervise our economic development, be approved as a Minister of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.
