From
Psalm 15:1-5
H,
Waking
up to the sound of your own life is never easy. I am on a early morning bent
now and with the material future so up in the air, I usually wake up to the
dawning dark of worry. It is the sort of worry that leads to the escapism of
stupid acts. They are the sort of stifling worries that solve no problems nor
create any value to the look or feel or taste of life. It is the kind that
tells you that I have mixed things up and planted solitude where there should
be fellowship. I forget “I am with you always, even until the end of time.”
The thing
is that our mistakes loom larger than God. I would like to say it is some godly
sorrow because we know we have gone astray but I suspect it is some ego driven
inability to rely on the higher things and to stop digging our own holes of
despair. We do not want to admit that this is a way too far and a sea too deep.
And even before all that, we do not want to admit that we are called to a
spiritual existence in a material world not to a material existence with
spiritual help. As that writer so brilliantly put it “we are divine (spiritual)
beings having a human experience not humans having a divine (spiritual) experience.”   I paraphrase, but you get the point. The
entire material world up in our face and we can fail to see that it is only a
figment of time. Nothing we chase down daily is of eternal relevance or
reality.
We only
have to look at the things He has asked us to do to 
realize what a divine joke
it is outside of Him. It is so against our human nature that we mostly do what
we can, get self righteous about our petty progress, treat the ones too hard as
suggestions or just our plain ‘weakness’ and go on with life like we have no
core. I imagine God, saints save me from blasphemy, writing out the Ten
Commandments and giggling to Him-self: “let me see them try and do all this
without me.”
That
is our core. I sound like a broken record this week but the truth is set in
holy stone: we depend on Him. How did that bald eagle put it: “for when I am
weak then I am strong.” All of the Christian life is giving up the idea that
you are okay with the crumbs of half and half and almost there. To finally say
we are ready for the Full Bread and Full Wine of God. We are taking in His
life. Remember those thirty three years of glory? A carpenter, a virgin, a
manger, a star, three wise men, years of silence, baptism, temptation,
ministry, prophecy fulfilled, conspiracy, arrest and death. Then, life forever.
He tells us to: Go and do likewise. No material look at that life as a whole
makes it attractive. When we give up the hold and worship of flesh perhaps we
can begin to be illuminated about all the real sense this apparent madness
makes. Perhaps, when we see Him we shall be seen whole and become that wholeness
and holiness that our hearts know and long for but our present bodies cannot
achieve. I know, on that path, we will become His forever man, woman, being,
like Him, sons, daughters, Him.