From
Hebrews 11:1-3
H,
It is
hard to follow through on the truth you now believe. It is hard to not to begin
to think it is all a trick of the mind and nothing is out there but space. The vastness
and majesty of the universe has now been sort of explained by science. We have
come nearer and nearer to replicating the conditions for  creating life. And aside from that whole
cosmological argument there is still the drudgery here. The things we really
seek and believe and care about are hidden in the heart. We do not need science
to tell us our hearts are not well.
I ate
dinner in tears yesterday as I read one hundred and thirty four people, mostly
children, were killed in Pakistan. I thought of the girls not yet rescued over
here and the many children killed in this whole senseless conflict over belief.
 That it has been this way for a while
and that throughout history the weak and innocent have borne the brunt of war
does not put it in context, tragedy is tragedy. It has come to the point where I
cannot read the news without caution. This world has lost its glory for me.
Yet,
I cannot leave like that. Inertia from terror and sorrow is not a solution to
anything. I have to look back and realise that this is not the final destiny of
the earth. The foundations of the earth are not made of temporal stuff. I see
clearer these days why that date with God is vital because it is the final cure
for the human problem. We seek money and glory and some sort of truth and
protection from evil but none of these things go past the seventy or less years
we will spend on earth. None of these things can change the crimes in the north
east of Nigeria or that tragedy in the middles east and environs or the poverty
of the world or the horrors of child slavery. This is a world that has a veneer
of progress just above a cesspool of the human heart’s regress. We can laugh
and play and get lost in distractions, but we are just a step away from sliding
into the abyss we do not yet know.
Sorry
for the gloom. Children keep dying. I have no answers. I am crying again. I do
not know what to do. I light a candle, I pray, I ask for something to do, I want
to give all my blood and all my life to a better way of being. There has to be
a God. There has to be reckoning and a reason for all this. My new resolution
is to not shut off from the pain or the joy of life. Perhaps in there I will
see what He says. I am not losing hope or faith. His understanding of the world
and men is what I see play out in the world today. His prophecy is right
altogether. He formed the world from an abyss once before. He is on the road to
doing it again. I cannot explain how I know, I just know. I have my marching
orders. I know my place in this end army. I can live in the flow of His grace that
helps me see a better everything to come. He formed the world form an abyss
before. I know He will do so again.