From
Psalms 139:1
              
H,
You know that quote I like, the one that says every fight between two lovers is some version of the statement: “you do not understand me!”  It is the seminal attraction one human being has for another: I am understood by this other person. It is the basis of most human love. Friends share common ideals and the best of lovers can talk without fear of being misinterpreted or shut down. It is the ideal that pushes us from relationship to relationship, seeking that sun of understanding and that pillar on which to rest a head weary from explaining himself or herself.
It is rarely like that, though. We cannot read intentions and we learn not to trust words. We are often only able to judge character by action. We are judged by this same standard too. It is a bitter experience to be read out your intentions by others and you know, all the while they are talking, that it is nothing like what was in your heart at the crucial moment. It is painful not to be known.
Thinking of all of these things reminded me of the moment of surrender I had to God. Of course, in reality, this surrender is a series of moments and not just one. The crucial one, on this road, has been the realization that I am understood by God. I cannot tell you how that freed me from the burden of living my life by the preferences of others. It taught me not to labour to explain myself and not to fret over the stinging rebuke that comes when others read me wrong. It helped to eschew the bitter pill of anger and revenge. I realized myself how much I look at others and judge them when I do not know a thing about who they really are.
This was the rock of my loving God: He knows me. It declared itself in my heart as an unconditional truth. And more than knowing when I intended to do good he knew the bad I was trying so desperately to hide. He knew the thoughts I had I could not share and the struggles I covered up in fake smiles and half laughs. It was like the dream of every hungry lover come true. He looked at me, He knew, He accepted, He was guiding me toward change but the quality of His love was not diminished by the infancy of my eternal heart. I knew I was on to something in that holy moment of waking up to truth. It is a joyful thing to be known.