H,
We are free to have doubts. We
have been told to test all things, doubt all things and hold on to what remains
true. It is part of the process. There are no certainties because we do not
know enough. We see in shadows, life is obscured in the great mirror of images.
Some of these images may not be real.
We cannot deny that we feel
off it many times. It is not always a grand adventure and it has not yet felt
like it is complete. It is still a thing in progress but sometimes we move in
kilometres and other times we move in centimetres. We are never quite on it. It
seems elusive and our Creator can sometimes feel aloof.
These are just the
disciplines though. We cannot have emotional states over inner witness. Emotions
go up and down. What you know can be set in stone. What you learn by experience
can be imprinted on your soul. It cannot be shaken off. Imagine how much the
horrors of this world are smeared on the souls that experience it. Imagine how
much joy is needed to replace that old stain with something new and eternal. This
is the process we go through.

Doubt, of course, will rear
its head over and over again. We still live on the limited side of things. We
sit in the joy of experiencing God to get strength to keep walking. We are on
our way home. Doubt is just a temporary companion. We will leave that little
gargoyle behind one day.