“Opening up.”

M,

It is hard for me to say
how I really feel about anything. I have lived too long in my own head. The
things I do to solve my own angst are secretive not out of guilt but out of
shame. I am already wired to be ashamed of my own thoughts and my own
solutions. My soul seems fractured in a way that I cannot easily explain or
reveal. I am only learning, now, not to hate myself.

I say often, as a joke or
as a prayer, that everything is forgivable between us. I do mean it on my side.
It brings no obligation to you. The human soul is deep and deeply troubled. I
want to get into all of it. I want to find out all the things closed in my own
mind and heart and open those places to the light. I am not just talking about
what I do but the why I do these things I am not just talking about flaws and sins but
seemingly good acts and reactions. I am opening it all up. I hope you want to
share that with me as well.