H,
We are always going on and on about the extreme arrogance of thinking we
have it all together. The idea that there is a time to stop learning, to start
being perfect and to let go of the all the various flaws we have inhibited all
through our brief so-far stay on earth.
The truth is that time will never come. It is old the addict idea that
is still true. You are always an addict. You will deal with this fatal flaw for
the rest of your life. You may deal with it better or worse depending on the
season and the triggers you embrace or walk away from. You are not of less
value because you are dealing with original sin and you will be bathe in light
over all darkness before this whole deal is over.
This does not create a constant sinner. That is not a reality for anyone
who has felt the face of God. The longing for more will keep you unsatisfied
with your trivial pursuits of pleasure and your fruitless stabs at
other-meaning. You cannot be filled by ordinary water once you have drunk from the
living one.
So, it is enough to know that you are on the road. There is nothing that
can take you from the love of God. You are inside it. There will be false
starts and necessary stops. It will all be counted as glory; everything leading
us to a full of understanding of the heart and mind of God. Do not let the heavy
weight of futility tell you to not stand up. I do not know the personal way in
which the light is working out in you, but I know it will work out. Stay in it.
There is simply nowhere else to be.