H,
We are constantly battling
the voice inside that tells us we are worthless. Outside events might add to
that horrid chorus. We might take a few wrong steps or have moral failures or
fail to live up to some imagined potential forced on us by the opinions of
others and our desperate need to be seen. Then we acquire this feeling of
failure. We begin to flounder down this rabbit hole of self-recrimination and shame.
We hide, we fall back, our voice falls to low pitched growl and we are constantly
crouching toward some version of new hope.
We have not given up, yet,
on the fallacy of success. We are not humble only humbled. All it will take is
a sweet turn of fortune and we will re-emerge into the light clutching on to
old ideas of our own greatness and counting the wilderness as a learning curve.
Then, we will show the doubting crowd what it means to survive a few years
living off the grid and pulse of real life. Then we will silence these “enemies”
that have spat in our face with words that cut so deep only advancement can
truly heal the wounds.
Of course, God wants no part
in any of this. A self-help class or two is probably more useful than a visit
to the bible or any community of believers seeking truth. Self-belief is a
powerful tool in this limited world. We can rise to new heights believing that we
have operated under some vague principle that is really hit and miss. This has
nothing to do with God. The life He wants in us is not one that is from the
crowd or to the crowd. It does not require proof in any physical sense because “those
who have eyes, they will see.” He is trying to bring back to earth the
spiritual life and not promote any affirmation of what a fallen earth calls
progress. It is far too easy to make material progress a sign of spiritual
depth. We can cover a lot in tinted glasses and well-worn clichés about “purpose”.
The life in God is much too intimate for that. There is no hiding place
afforded from the things that are really wrong with us. Wealth may be a defence
on limited earth but it is not a cure for what truly ails the human heart and
soul.