H,
We have this need to treat love and God as some kind of miracle drug. This
is not the kind of drug that heals but the kind that intoxicates. We want escape
from the world and not resolution. We do not want to confront anything. We just
want to run. Perhaps, this is why we are always so tired.
is not the kind of drug that heals but the kind that intoxicates. We want escape
from the world and not resolution. We do not want to confront anything. We just
want to run. Perhaps, this is why we are always so tired.
I know I get up every morning looking for a reason to put one leg ahead
of the other. I am looking for some sense of balance, of levity, and the
feeling that I am making progress in spite of the things in my way. This just
makes my heart tired. I am not allowing myself to feel anything. I am tired
from the effort of running.
of the other. I am looking for some sense of balance, of levity, and the
feeling that I am making progress in spite of the things in my way. This just
makes my heart tired. I am not allowing myself to feel anything. I am tired
from the effort of running.
There is no escape in the life with God. We are supposed to feel things,
know things, go through things, have faith, fall a lot and learn to pray in fetal
position. We have to learn to love instead of judge, to forgive instead of retaliating
and to face ourselves first instead of being this constant burden to others
while we claim we are “just being honest”. Everything we are told not to do is
not a set of rules but the crucial substitution of living in the light above running
around in the dark.
know things, go through things, have faith, fall a lot and learn to pray in fetal
position. We have to learn to love instead of judge, to forgive instead of retaliating
and to face ourselves first instead of being this constant burden to others
while we claim we are “just being honest”. Everything we are told not to do is
not a set of rules but the crucial substitution of living in the light above running
around in the dark.
And so, it happens that we hit a brick wall. We find that we have run
out of options, out of time and we think that means God has run out of
patience. No. He never does. Lying in the depths of all our failure is the call
from God to stand up, once again.
out of options, out of time and we think that means God has run out of
patience. No. He never does. Lying in the depths of all our failure is the call
from God to stand up, once again.
We must allow ourselves feel things. We can be tired. We can feel off. We
do not need the placebo of the soul. We have living water. It is not that we
will not feel thirst again. It is that we need not go to the well again. The well
is inside. There is no thirst only the feeling of being thirsty. It will pass. We
must allow ourselves to feel tired and off. It is what we do with it that
matters. We have to spend less time running from our solution and more time on
the floor, saying “I am tired, I am tired.”
do not need the placebo of the soul. We have living water. It is not that we
will not feel thirst again. It is that we need not go to the well again. The well
is inside. There is no thirst only the feeling of being thirsty. It will pass. We
must allow ourselves to feel tired and off. It is what we do with it that
matters. We have to spend less time running from our solution and more time on
the floor, saying “I am tired, I am tired.”
Honesty is still
always where we will find the truth